Well, there go those four glorious years…right down the drain. It’s about time. I was starting to wonder just when the hell I was going to get out of this hellhole. So fucking tired of all this crap.
But there’s no use complaining at this point, I guess.
I wonder why people put such a huge emphasis on a diploma. It’s just a piece of paper telling people we were able to put up with four years of bullshit without dying or killing ourselves. Couldn’t I have learned this all on my own without these kids holding me back?
Don't waste your time or time will waste you...
Why is the education so pathetic in America? Is it the teachers? The parents? The students? Or is it just the exposure children have to the media from young age? Most people would say Sesame Street is a helpful show…but is it really education on logic or is just helping people get money and getting kids into television from the start?
I don’t know, I’m not a scientist…
I wonder how high I’d have to get to rape at Knights of Cydonia on Expert. What about Assassin? Would I be more susceptible to carpal tunnel or arthritis if I play while I'm high? What about CoD?
I wonder why the newer Pokémon games suck. Is it because I’m older and find less joy in Pokémon? Can’t be; I still love the first two generations. Is it really a decline in appeal the games offer or am I just typing to convince myself into believing I’m right?
Teach us to cheat and to lie, cover up what shouldn't be shared...
Why am I so childish, by the way? Is that really me or is it just my characters? Do others consider me to be my characters or do they know I’m always sarcastic? Can they tell? Do they think my characters are masks? Do they wear masks?
I wonder if people at Fordham wear masks. Will I meet any real people? Will they understand my characters?
Grab a brush and put a little makeup, hide the scars to fade away the shake up...
Why are The Douche and The Sexist looked down upon? Does everyone conform to social norms quickly? I mean, do they instantaneously believe everything they're taught to believe without question or doubt? Are they tools?
I wonder if I’ll meet other unique people at Fordham. Is the class of 2014 varied? Will I meet other awesome gamers? I wonder if they’re from the same generation of gaming as I am. Did they grow up with Pokémon? Mario, Sonic, Kirby? Why was Kirby never as popular as the others? Do other kids from 2014 watch anime? I wonder if we have similar tastes or if we even think alike.
The love for what you hide, the bitterness inside, is growing like the new born...
How am I going to pay off the loans, anyway? Should I just save and save or use some of it? What’d the total add up to be in the end? But I’d be done with undergraduate in 2014. What about 2012? Mayan calendar is circular, is it just a cycle and are stupid Americans over reacting? What about Nostradamus? There was sufficient evidence to call his work bullshit. And the Chinese? Is that staged as well? We’ve been wrong every time before, are we just too dependent on religious texts?
This is the last time I'll abandon you, and this is the last time I'll forget you...
Even then, what’s the most reasonable think that could happen? Nibiru? Nuclear Holocaust? Natural Disasters? What about the Anunnaki? Are they real? Is it just the best thought out and most in-depth conspiracy theory I’ve heard so far? Am I one of them? What about Bush? Obama?
As conspiracies unwind, will you slam shut or free your mind...
How about Atlantis? Did it really exist? I wonder how Conduit 2’s story will work. It’s mainly speculation and based on assumptions of the conspiracy theory, right? Or is there some more information I haven’t found out about just yet? Maybe I should Google it.
Hmm; can Google become self-aware? That’d be pretty fucking hilarious. How will technology evolve in the future? How about satellites? Can government chips really cause a huge ruckus among those few against it? Will there be a revolt if America does come to that?
They make me, make me dream your dreams, they make me, make me scream your screams...
I wonder how much longer we can be ruled by secrecy before we fight back. What can get the people to act? A book? A newspaper article?
Nah. People would be too lazy or even stupid to read. It’s no wonder why New York Times’ Bestsellers are never truly a good work of literature; just some mediocre junk that conformists can relate to. I guess that’s why Catcher in the Rye did so well. Did Salinger figure out the norm or did he just get lucky? I really don’t see what’s so great about it, but I guess that’s because I was already a cynical bastard when I read it. Would I have had a different impression of it if I weren’t a cynic? Hmm. Maybe ignorance truly is bliss. I guess it makes sense, really. You can’t really have your eyes opened if you’re already open minded.
Fist in the air, in the land of hypocrisy...
But even then you don’t fucking know. What the hell? Is open mindedness knowledge or lack of knowledge? How the hell am I supposed to know whether or not 9/11 was a conspiracy if I can’t get all the information and wasn’t even there when it happened? Is it better I was in the fourth grade at the time or would I have been better at analyzing the situation at the time if I were older?
Thunderstruck!...
How much are books for college anyway? Do we really only use them for a sentence and then write a book about it? I wonder if I’ll run out of money quickly if I don’t set up a system of trade from the start. Should I use EBay? It sounds gay. What about Amazon?
Words are poisoned darts of pleasure...
I wonder if The Simpsons was right about the Soviet Union secretly hiding under the banner of Russia. I wonder if true Communism can be reached at all, anyway. That’d require an awesome fucking leader. Is Fascism really necessary for it, though? I mean, there’ll always be rich and poor, hands down.
You can scream and you can shout, it is too late now...
Can I lead a truly Communist regime? I think I’d be able to as a cynic. Was Marx a cynic? What about Lenin or Stalin? And Kruschev? But I’m no politician, nor do I want to be.
You could have it so much better if you tried...
I wonder how cynicism is dealt with at Fordham. Are there others already? What about Stoics?
I wonder what kinds of sources of energy we’ll have in the future. What if we just killed half the people in the world and used their bones for harvesting fossil fuel? That’d also help with the food scarcity and carrying capacity of the Earth. But it’d take some million years before we start getting any fuel. What if Hicks and Carlin were right, though?
Some say you're a troubled boy, just because you like to destroy...
If we just destroy all weapons of defense and arms to help feed, clothe, and educate everyone in the world as equals, can we create a better society? Can we even get that far? White supremacists and Republicans would probably have their fingers on the button even before this was actualized. But even then, people don’t see each other as equals and they never will. Just like poor and rich, or good or evil. One cannot exist without the other. Is this some practical joke by God? Are we really just trying too hard? Should we be lucky with what we have and simply ignore others’ misfortune?
I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more...
I wonder how lucky I’ll be in college. Will I have to study for once in my life? Why can I retain knowledge better than others? Are they stupid or am I just lucky? What about the writing or trying now, I guess? Will I need a new hard drive to put away all the stuff I can do without? Do I even need all the stuff currently on my computer? Jeez, that’s like 200 Gigs to look through. Should I just delete random folders of typed assignments from previous years? What if I get Alzheimer’s or amnesia? I might need them to regain my memory and doucheness.
I wonder what’s become of VaatixGanon. What about Dark Regulus? I wonder what all the guys from FCD are doing now. Hah, those were some good times in the IRC and Camp FCD. I wonder if the artists are still doing work with Photoshop and stuff. How have my skills deteriorated in Photoshop? Should I try working on some sigs again? Probably not, I’ll just feel ashamed of myself.
But I think I like it when you instant message me with a promise...
I wonder how personalities will go for me while in college. It probably won’t really be any different. But seriously what the fuck, I can’t get it off my mind. Am I being childish? Hell, when was the last time I cried? I wonder what would happen if I cried in class. That’d be fucking hilarious if I got to see everyone’s faces. Maybe I should do that for the roffles. I also still need some people to help with the subway antics, but I also don't want to get arrested. I think they need more planning.This fire is out of control, I'm gonna burn this city...
Why the hell am I so worried about this, though? It’s not like me. Maybe I just need some Mountain Dew. Is there bull urine in it, though? I never really checked the ingredients…
I wonder if they allow shotguns in Fordham. Technically I should be allowed to have it due to the Second Amendment. But I’m sure campus rules specify against firearms. Is there a list of rules for the campus I can see? I wonder what a school would be like without rules. Would it be considered more or less freedom?
They'll laugh as they watch us fall...
That diploma’s getting pretty close. But why the fuck? What the hell is going on? It’s just a fucking piece of paper. What’s with all this pride? Am I just keeping all the lawls and arrogance inside? I was never really an arrogant person, is that what this is?
Scares the hell out of me, and the end is all I can see...
Written 06.08.2010
